lies

Last weekend I had an opportunity to go “glamping”, which is camping but with the extra perks of showers, restrooms and heated cabins. Most of our time was spent worshipping together, listening to testimonies, and connecting over meals. 

That afternoon we completed an activity where each lady had about ten stickers. The instructions were to write out a lie on each sticker representing what we have been told or believe about ourselves. We stuck them onto a veil. 

Later that evening, we received prayer and had the opportunity to burn the veil; burn the lies. I did not want to do this activity and I didn’t want anyone praying over me. But, I did it.

I struggled to think of lies that I had been told about myself, or lies that I had told myself. 

I’m angry....I’m mean...a liar...not smart enough...not good enough...fatherless...

Although it was difficult to write these down, I had more luck thinking of lies that I have told myself, more than anything someone ever said to me. 

It was my turn turn to walk up for prayer and put my veil in the fire. I had no idea that the woman that would pray for me would be reading my lies first. She asked to see my veil, glancing over each of my lies she asked me which one bothered me the most. I admit, I lied - I told her that “not being good enough” was the one on the list that bothered me the most. That was the easiest for me to say without emotion. It’s very real for me, but I’m almost numb to it.

She nodded her head and I couldn’t tell if she believed me or not, but then she zoomed in and said “fatherless”... In one word she broke me; I told myself that I was not going to cry, but tears flooded down my face before I could blink. I believe the Holy Spirit let her see right though me. That was the hardest one to write down and I couldn’t even speak it. 

I’m realizing that this time of year I tend to be more emotional and on edge. It has been 25 years this month since my step-father who raised me passed away. Next month it will be 5 years since my godfather passed away. And I have lost track of the time that I have been estranged from my birth father. In spite of, I have been extremely blessed and thank God for keeping me. 

I felt a weight lifted once she finished praying over me. I needed that reminder that I am not alone, God is a father to the fatherless and has never left my side.

What lies have you told yourself? What do you need to bury or burn? What reminders do you need that God is your everything even when you feel something is missing?